More Updates

Okay, I know it's been awhile, but I've just not really been up to writing about everything that's been going on with my mom and other aspects of my life. Also, it seems that every single time I go to actually write something down, my son decideds to make Mommy his personal play thing. Gotta love those kids. So, shall we get to how my mom is doing? Well, as I said on my last post, the trip home was strange, but we made it safe and sound. The day of my moms sugery things went well, but they were unable to take out the top lobe of her lung. When they got inside they found that the cancer was spread more than they orgianlly thought it was. See, not only was it in the top lobe, but a very small portion of it was in the bottom lobe too. And, the cancer was around her aortic vein going to the heart. So, now she is considered unoperable.

I'm not sure how I feel about all of this because now she has to do chemo and raidiation treatments. I've been told that anyone who has this kind of cancer usually does not live past five years at the most. I'm hoping that she will beat the odds, but from what I've been told she could have as little as a year. I've been very sad for the last few weeks. My guy is pretty sure that I'm depressed and I think that maybe I am. I don't want to do anything but hang around home and watch t.v.

Next week we are going back to Illinois to spend spring break with my mom and I'm thinking about spending a good portion of the summer up there as well. The only problem is that a few weeks ago I found out that I'm pregnant. This makes things a little bit more complicated as far as traveling and doctor's appointments go. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I know that I want to spend as much time with my mom as I can, but I still have to make sure that I'm taken care of too.

I've told a few people but not everyone because everytime anything happens in my life I have certian family members who think I've screwed up my life more and that all I ever do is make mistakes. I live my life for myself and not them, but it's hard when they make me feel like crap because I'm living my life differently than they do. No, I don't have a college degree and no I'm not married and yes, I do have two children with one on the way, but why is that so bad?

I think this is why I didn't want to write on this thing because I'm just not ready to deal with all of the stuff going on in my life. I know it will be ok, but I just have to give it time and realize that what does not kill me will make me stronger.