me and doctor's don't mesh

I went to the doctor yesterday for my first check up for the pregnancy. I guess I wasn't excited because I was worred about the fetus not being viable becuase that's happend to my brothers's girlfriend a couple of times and I was just afraid. I was able to see the baby and the hearbeat and so far everything looks good. I did get a huge lecture because my sugar levels have been really bad. I've been trying to get them down, but no such luck. I know it's a huge deal having high sugar levels, but I'm not eating huge amounts of carbs or sugar and they are still high. The doctor did say that this was normal and that I had to increase my insulin and I've been diong that slowly. I also have to quit smoking and I'm working on that too. They told me not to just stop cold turkey and that I should cut back until I stopped. I was able to do that with my son but I didn't live with two other smokers at the time.

I've told almost everyone in my family and yes, I did get yelled at by my sister because she thinks I'm not responsible. She told me I could have waited a couple of years, but I'm 31 years old and diabetic. The older I get the harded it is on my body. If I had waited, things could be worse for me and the baby.

My daughter and I were talking about this whole thing and she's happy about it. She told me that she wants a girl because her little brother can be a pain at times. We were talking about names and I would like to use my twin sister's first name as a middle name, but I can't think of anything that goes with Mindy being the second name. Any suggestions would be great.

I'm off to Illinois on Saturday to see the Momma. She received her first round of chem last Monday and now we wait 21 days for the second round. So far she's feeling ok but not great. Her white blood cell count has dropped and I'm worried about the trip because my daughter is sick at the moment. I talked to the doctor and he said that if my girl is running a fever we should keep her away from mom. He said that she has an upper respitory infection and tested her for strep and I'm waiting for the test results. If it's not strep he said that she could be better by this weekend and we may not even have to worry about it. If it is strep then she will get some meds and should be ok by then with the anitbiatocs. I know my spelling is terrible, but you get the idea! I'll be back next weekend. Have a great week.

More Updates

Okay, I know it's been awhile, but I've just not really been up to writing about everything that's been going on with my mom and other aspects of my life. Also, it seems that every single time I go to actually write something down, my son decideds to make Mommy his personal play thing. Gotta love those kids. So, shall we get to how my mom is doing? Well, as I said on my last post, the trip home was strange, but we made it safe and sound. The day of my moms sugery things went well, but they were unable to take out the top lobe of her lung. When they got inside they found that the cancer was spread more than they orgianlly thought it was. See, not only was it in the top lobe, but a very small portion of it was in the bottom lobe too. And, the cancer was around her aortic vein going to the heart. So, now she is considered unoperable.

I'm not sure how I feel about all of this because now she has to do chemo and raidiation treatments. I've been told that anyone who has this kind of cancer usually does not live past five years at the most. I'm hoping that she will beat the odds, but from what I've been told she could have as little as a year. I've been very sad for the last few weeks. My guy is pretty sure that I'm depressed and I think that maybe I am. I don't want to do anything but hang around home and watch t.v.

Next week we are going back to Illinois to spend spring break with my mom and I'm thinking about spending a good portion of the summer up there as well. The only problem is that a few weeks ago I found out that I'm pregnant. This makes things a little bit more complicated as far as traveling and doctor's appointments go. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I know that I want to spend as much time with my mom as I can, but I still have to make sure that I'm taken care of too.

I've told a few people but not everyone because everytime anything happens in my life I have certian family members who think I've screwed up my life more and that all I ever do is make mistakes. I live my life for myself and not them, but it's hard when they make me feel like crap because I'm living my life differently than they do. No, I don't have a college degree and no I'm not married and yes, I do have two children with one on the way, but why is that so bad?

I think this is why I didn't want to write on this thing because I'm just not ready to deal with all of the stuff going on in my life. I know it will be ok, but I just have to give it time and realize that what does not kill me will make me stronger.