me and doctor's don't mesh

I went to the doctor yesterday for my first check up for the pregnancy. I guess I wasn't excited because I was worred about the fetus not being viable becuase that's happend to my brothers's girlfriend a couple of times and I was just afraid. I was able to see the baby and the hearbeat and so far everything looks good. I did get a huge lecture because my sugar levels have been really bad. I've been trying to get them down, but no such luck. I know it's a huge deal having high sugar levels, but I'm not eating huge amounts of carbs or sugar and they are still high. The doctor did say that this was normal and that I had to increase my insulin and I've been diong that slowly. I also have to quit smoking and I'm working on that too. They told me not to just stop cold turkey and that I should cut back until I stopped. I was able to do that with my son but I didn't live with two other smokers at the time.

I've told almost everyone in my family and yes, I did get yelled at by my sister because she thinks I'm not responsible. She told me I could have waited a couple of years, but I'm 31 years old and diabetic. The older I get the harded it is on my body. If I had waited, things could be worse for me and the baby.

My daughter and I were talking about this whole thing and she's happy about it. She told me that she wants a girl because her little brother can be a pain at times. We were talking about names and I would like to use my twin sister's first name as a middle name, but I can't think of anything that goes with Mindy being the second name. Any suggestions would be great.

I'm off to Illinois on Saturday to see the Momma. She received her first round of chem last Monday and now we wait 21 days for the second round. So far she's feeling ok but not great. Her white blood cell count has dropped and I'm worried about the trip because my daughter is sick at the moment. I talked to the doctor and he said that if my girl is running a fever we should keep her away from mom. He said that she has an upper respitory infection and tested her for strep and I'm waiting for the test results. If it's not strep he said that she could be better by this weekend and we may not even have to worry about it. If it is strep then she will get some meds and should be ok by then with the anitbiatocs. I know my spelling is terrible, but you get the idea! I'll be back next weekend. Have a great week.

More Updates

Okay, I know it's been awhile, but I've just not really been up to writing about everything that's been going on with my mom and other aspects of my life. Also, it seems that every single time I go to actually write something down, my son decideds to make Mommy his personal play thing. Gotta love those kids. So, shall we get to how my mom is doing? Well, as I said on my last post, the trip home was strange, but we made it safe and sound. The day of my moms sugery things went well, but they were unable to take out the top lobe of her lung. When they got inside they found that the cancer was spread more than they orgianlly thought it was. See, not only was it in the top lobe, but a very small portion of it was in the bottom lobe too. And, the cancer was around her aortic vein going to the heart. So, now she is considered unoperable.

I'm not sure how I feel about all of this because now she has to do chemo and raidiation treatments. I've been told that anyone who has this kind of cancer usually does not live past five years at the most. I'm hoping that she will beat the odds, but from what I've been told she could have as little as a year. I've been very sad for the last few weeks. My guy is pretty sure that I'm depressed and I think that maybe I am. I don't want to do anything but hang around home and watch t.v.

Next week we are going back to Illinois to spend spring break with my mom and I'm thinking about spending a good portion of the summer up there as well. The only problem is that a few weeks ago I found out that I'm pregnant. This makes things a little bit more complicated as far as traveling and doctor's appointments go. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, but I know that I want to spend as much time with my mom as I can, but I still have to make sure that I'm taken care of too.

I've told a few people but not everyone because everytime anything happens in my life I have certian family members who think I've screwed up my life more and that all I ever do is make mistakes. I live my life for myself and not them, but it's hard when they make me feel like crap because I'm living my life differently than they do. No, I don't have a college degree and no I'm not married and yes, I do have two children with one on the way, but why is that so bad?

I think this is why I didn't want to write on this thing because I'm just not ready to deal with all of the stuff going on in my life. I know it will be ok, but I just have to give it time and realize that what does not kill me will make me stronger.

News

I arrived in Illinois a week ago today. The trip up here was interesting and should have given me a clue as to how the rest of the time spent here was going to be. I'm not sure interesting is the right word, but the visit is still not over and I really wonder what's around the corner. We left Texas last Friday around 1pm. The first part of the trip went fairly well and we arrived in Oklohoma at 8pm. There were some bad snow storms heading our way and were supposed to hit around midnight so we decided to pick up our Aunt and keep driving instead of spending the night. We left at 10 to start our trip to Illinois. The roads were not icy so we made good time so we decided to try to stop and get some sleep around 1A.M. Of course, the week before a huge ice storm hit Missouri and all of the hotels in the state were full because thousands of people were without power and hundreds of out of state electricians were also staying in the hotels too.

Finally at 3am we found a room so that we could get a few hours of sleep. We were back on the road by 8am that next morning. Needless to say, we didn't get much sleep, but luckly we didn't have to drive all night. The first few days we were here we basically spent time with the family and hung out. All was good. Then Tuesday rolled around. This was the day of my mom's sugery. We arrived at the hospital a few minutes before she went in to see her. She looked good and seemed to be in good spirits. The sugery was going to be in two parts.

Opps, I've got to go...I will finish this at a later time.

Brrrrrrr

Ok, I moved away from Illinois to get away from snow and ice but more importantly, the cold. I hate cold weather. It suck and the south should not be allowed to get this darn cold. It's 30 out right now and that's just not right for the daytime.

I was supposed to leave on Friday to go home. My mom has lung cancer. We just found out about it right before christmas. She's staing positive which is really good and she wants to fight it with all of her will. We've had some good news so far. We won't know how bad it is until Tuesday when she goes in for an operation. Thats when we find out if it has spread to her lymp nodes. If it's spread, then well, we all know thats not good news and we don't want to go there. If it has not spread, then they are going to take out the lobe of the lung that the cancer is in and I believe her chances are better. Of course I have not talked to a doctor, but everyone is acting like it's no big deal.

It is a big deal and I'm trying so hard not to feak out and be upset because it just wastes time and effort. I'm trying to stay positive, but not more than two years ago I had an uncle who found out he had cancer in October and by January he was gone. His was a very rare kind of cancer that the doctor's didn't even know how to treat and it was very fast acting. My moms is the slow growing kind which is even better for her chances, but from what I understand the tumor is huge and that's why they want to take out the entire lobe.

Anyways, at some point I will be leaving for Illinois as soon as the weather calms down. I am going to try to post while I'm home but I'm not sure how busy I will be considering I will be trying to take care of my mom. I'm also not sure how long I will be gone. I'm leaving both of my children here and it's going to kill me to be away from them. So, hopefully I won't be gone for more than a couple of weeks. Keeps us in you prayers please!

ahhh shit

Why is it that whenever a roof leaks and you try to fix it, you can never and I mean never fix the damn leak? Last weekend we put a brand new fucking roof on one section of our house and the fucker is still leaking. Why God Why? We spent money we didn't have only to have it not work. What the fuck more can we do? I told my guy that once a house springs a leak you should just tear the fucker down and start over.

Well at least we know what the problem is. My guy just went up there to check out what was going on. Piss I say Piss. Friggin roof.

Have a nice day all!

Fears

This week was full of me being afraid and choosing to fight those fears head on instead of running away. To sum, what I did this week might be small but to me it was pretty huge. Let me explain.

At the moment I am looking for a job. I don't have to work, but I do because it gets me out of the house. I'm not one of those people who make a good housewife. I sit around all day on my computer or watchng T.V. Now I do have a two year old, so I do spend quite a bit of my time playing with him but still it's not the same as working. I've always had to work to support myself and now I find myself in the position that I can choose. Work or not to work, that is the question. Anyways, this post is about me and my fears.

The first one has to do with looking for a job. I think that's why the above paragraph was written. I got off the topic! Last Thursday I went on an interview. The place that I'm looking for a job has limited parking and sometimes if you lucky, they will give you a parking spot instead of having to park in a parking garage that you have to pay to use. This interview had such a spot. I was so happy, because I don't have the money to pay for parking at the moment. One problem tho--the spot was in such a place that I had to parrell park. I've never done that before and was in a state of panic because I was so afraid that I was not going to be able to put my car into that spot. I was totally freaking out and was afraid that I was going to miss my interview because there was no where I could park around the building without getting a ticket. So, what did I do? Well, I pulled forward and backwards and forwards and backwards ect... until I fit that fucker in the spot. I was so proud of myself. I know, it doesn't sound like a big deal, but to me it was huge. By the time I was done I had to sit there for a moment and compose myself couse I was so afraid I was going to hit the car in front or behind me.

The second fear I conquered was my fear of climbing latters and high places. Our house is falling apart around us and we have quite a few repairs that need to be done. This weekend we had to put a new roof on part of our house. I climbed the latter not once, but three times. Yes, I know I'm cool! I also went on top of our roof and stood there for several minutes. It was a nice view.

Also, this weekend coming up I may be taking part in a ghost hunt. I don't have the details yet, but it sounds like it could be cool and I've always wanted to do it. I will update all of you the hunt if I can go.

Cutie contest

I live in a house with several animals and I thought I would post pictures for everyone to see. You can vote to on which one is your favorite. I will give a little information about each animal and at the end tell you which one is my favorite.



This first picture is of princess. She is the very first guine pig that I bought for my daughter. She is brown and white and has a wonderful personality. She loves to cuddle and eat carrots out of your hand.
The second picture is of Shorty. He is all man. He's very upredictible and will bite you if you look at him the wrong way. He only stays with us part of the time because he goes with his owner over the road and visits us once every couple of weeks.
This third picture is of Paddle. He's a very loving puppy. He has breast cancer and probably won't make it another year. We are doing everything we can to keep in comfortable so that his last days are happy ones.

The fourth picture is of my Emma dog. She is a puppy who I got a few years back. Unfortunatly and yes I know I spelled that wrong, I was not able to keep her because my apratment complex would not allow me to have a big dog. I gave her to my sister, but she is still my baby. She is part Chow and part Boxer.
This fifth picture is of Oscar. He's a sweet dog but will get under your skin pretty quickly. He broke his back a few years ago and does not have use of his back two legs. So he drags himself around using his front two legs. He's very possive and barks constatly in he thinks your to close to his food bowl.
This sixth picture is of Chinga. She is a very very sweet dog that just loves to lick. It drives me nuts at times, but she's so cute. She is so fat that we call her out little football. She's not happy unless she is sitting on someones lap and will cry just like a baby. I believe she thinks she's human. She refuses to eat dog food and if for some reason she has to, she will take the piece of food into anther room to eat because she's ashamed to be eating it in the first place.
This seventh picture is of Tigger. He's the only cat in the place and is tough as nails. He's a sweet baby tho. He's not afraid of any dog except for Chinga who is the smallest of the bunch. Stories have been told of him chasing a St. Bernard into his pen and then eating his food in front of him. He takes no crap from anyone.
The eight picture is of Missippi Biting Spider. What a name huh! She's a cute little guine pig who is all white and loves to chatter in your ear.

This last picture is of Mikey. He made the trip with us from Illinois. He's a full blood poodle and is the sweetest of the bunch. You can do anything you want to this dog and he will not bite or even growl. I made sure of this because I wanted to make sure that our family pet would not hurt one of my kids. He's great with the kids and will protect them at all costs. He is of course my favorite of all these animals. He's probably the best dog I've ever owned because he is just so gental.

So, you've met my crew. I hope you've enjoyed looking at my pictures.